The Art of Asking
- Dominiq Tricks
- Jul 7
- 4 min read
I need you to do me a favour, can you read this blog all the way to the end?
Something happened last week. I spent the last 6 days interstate; my new Osprey backpack getting quite the workout, and the boots everyone compliments me on are starting to peel and fray. I walked through narrow, uneven streets (seriously, what’s up with Sydney roads?), my knees adjusting to the 22 kilos of clothing, costuming and camera gear strapped to my shoulders (I really did think I was packing the bare minimum).
The night before this trip, I had a panic attack. Some of you may be aware, but Mart and I are preparing to move abroad, and this “Tetris your entire life into a backpack” situation will very soon be our new normal. I had carefully curated my selections for this week to not just be practical, but also to give myself options for the 4 shoots in 3 days I had lined up, most of which being with people I'd never met and had scarcely spoken with before. When my itinerary email revealed that I did not, in fact, purchase the extra luggage allowance I thought I had, I broke down.
“These flights already cost me more than I’d budgeted, and now it’s an extra $80 for Checked, and I'll have to get to the airport even earlier for baggage drop, and, and…!”
This wasn’t about $80, or a 4:30am alarm that I should already be in bed for. It was about “Can I do this?”
The point of the trip was to see the singing furry show for my mother’s birthday (I’ve recently been informed that it’s called ‘Cats’). Ever the opportunist, I elected to stay back for a few days to make the most of the journey, and see some familiar and unfamiliar faces alike. We got breakfast at an incredible vegan patisserie, and I asked my subscribers “Who’s shout for breakfast?”. A few tips came in, and I was able to pay for our meal.
Next ask was to my good friend Jo; “Can I sleep at your place while I’m in town?”.
Jo lives in a studio not much larger than my own bedroom, with their chronically ill girlfriend, and not enough plates for all 3 of us. In exchange, I bought half a roast chicken, a bag of cheese, and a pack of pizza bases to make dinner for us all, and a pair of avocados for breakfast toasties in the morning. I slept on the floor, narrowly avoiding tramplings any time my hosts emerged from bed. And it was perfect.
My first shoot was at a gorgeous local dungeon, and I’d split the 3-hour booking rate with my scene partner - someone I’d happened upon on Reddit making HypnoKink and Dronification videos, a recent interest of mine. I asked her “I’m in town for a few days, would you like to make something together?” She, too, asked a friend “Would you help us film?”, and so days later, I was eating a stranger’s ass while another balanced an iPhone on a stick like a boom wrangler, making sure you all got to see it.
I asked a former lover “Can I see you?”, and asked his fiance “May I kiss you?”. We took sapphic photos, and they bought me donburi.
I asked a photographer if he was available, unaware that he was a 45-minute drive from where I was staying. He drove me the 55km to his studio, gave me a bed for the night, and fed me ramen and olives (not at the same time, and not in that order). His partner even drove me to my next shoot the following morning.
I asked the internet “Are there any photographers available this week?”, and was approached by the kindest soul, who I would later ask “Can you help wrap my entire body in this cling film?”. They drove me to the train station after peeling the sticky plastic from my limbs.
The point of this blog, and the recounting of questions and things I ate, is because this trip was only possible because of acts of kindness. I could share meals, share beds, share creativity, because I asked. This week taught me that an exchange can be anything, not just financial. That you can be paid in lifts, and meals and spare mattresses - not because you demand or expect it, but because there is something so beautiful about a shared experience, about helping one another.
So if there’s one thing I can impart on you, dearest reader, whom I asked to read this blog to the end, it’s to be fearless in your ask. Whether it's for a raise at work, for a date, for spare change, for a makeout session with your former lover's fiance. It’s not enough to know what you want, you must ask - because we cannot do it all alone.
The night before this trip, I thought "Can I do this?", and the answer was "Yes. With the help of those around you."
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